Lipstick stained Tissues

“The usual ma’am?” 
“Yes, a Greek frappe`”, I smiled back. She loved her frappe`s; especially the way they’d make it in that particular café` where she seemed to have spent half her teenage life. She loved the foamy-ness of the beverage. She remembered those days when she would be here with her huge group of friends, and they would click pictures of their foam-made moustaches and upload them on facebook. A bittersweet happiness touched her heart, they seemed like an eternity ago.

The waitress came back with her drink, and laid it down on her table. 
“Enjoy ma’am.”
Come to think of it she did enjoy it, sipping her coffee, staring out into the streets through the glass wall, watching the world rush by. She imagined she was in some kind of a limbo, a blissful limbo, where she could just do nothing and watch over the world. Yes, watching the world seemed way soothing than actually being a part of it. Gods and Goddesses must enjoy their job. She wondered if the too sipped coffee while watching us mortals from up there. She giggled. Why did she always come up with such obscure ideas? 

There was a beep on her cell. She took it out and checked her messages. 
“I’m sorry. I know i screwed up. Trust me i know. I want to make things right. Just meet me once. That’s all i want. That’s all you need to do. I know despite not answering to my texts, you are reading them. Meet me at the café`. 7 o’clock. Please be there. I know in spite of everything, you still love me, and you will come.”

It was weird how people always wrote full words, and avoided abbreviations in texts after they screw up somehow. It was weird how people found time to meet up after shattering people’s lives. It was weird how people realised the value of things after they’ve lost them. People were weird.

She checked her watch. It was 6:30. Just half an hour till he would rush through those glass doors she deduced. Instantly she remembered the first time ever she had seen him rushing through those doors. She was with her friends. Like always, occupying the largest table for the longest hours. Sitting and gossiping, discussing boys, bitching about girls from other cliques, talking about sales, blabbering while in sugar rushes, being cranky during PMS, spying on exes’ profiles. All the things girls do with their girlfriends, she did right there with her BFFs. Or never really BFFs. 
He had taken the table opposite to theirs, ordered his coffee(he always liked black with no sugar), and settled down with Dickens’ Great Expectations. At that moment she had lost interest in all that was going on in the group, the group which half of the school worshiped, half of the school loathed. She had stared at him for so long that he had caught her doing so. Eyes locked, game set match! Then all she could remember was the whirlwind of activities all happening simultaneously, it seemed. Exchanging numbers, first dates, expensive dinners, strolls by the lake, jogging at dawn, brainstorming under the big oak tree, devouring the dishes he’d cook, debating about rock bands..Phew! What a romance they’d shared. Her favourite part was when she would usually leave tissues for him every now and then, stained with her lipstick, in which she would scribble love notes to him. He absolutely adored them. He’s kept all of the tissues she had ever given him, the entire course of their time together. Weeks became months, months became years. It was all easy breezy. She’d seen her friends cry and fight, slash wrists and whatnot. They on the other hand hardly fought. She distinctly remembered three occasions when she was agonised by love. But things always got better in a matter of hours. May be that’s why she couldn’t understand why he’d done what he’d done. And probably that’s the reason why it was so hard for her to bear it. She didn’t have enough heartbreaking moments with him, she didn’t have enough practice. 

She gazed into the setting sun. Summers were her favourite. Everything seemed to be alive and active. Everything seemed cheery, kissed by the honey dew rays of the sun. Across the room she saw a teenage couple holding hands and looking into each others eyes. She couldn’t help but break into a smile. How long would it take one of them to screw things up she wondered. 
She checked her watch. It was 6:54. He was always punctual. Never a minute late to meet her. How she’d love watching him come through those doors and take the chair opposite to hers. He always had that appreciating look on his face, as if he appreciated her being there for him, living for him. May be she had been reading too many romantic novels. She turned around and asked the waitress to bring some tissues. 

He got out of the taxi and started walking. He knew she would be there. She always was there. He sometimes wondered why she bothered going home anyway. It was a mystery how the endless coffees and occasional pastries never showed on her. Her giggly laughter, her sun kissed glow, that twinkle in her eyes. She was perfect. Disappointing her was the biggest regret in his life, breaking her heart the worst mistake ever. He had been a fool, blinded by lies, tempted by desire. He was probably the biggest fool in the city he thought. But he was going to set things right. He was going to win her back. He knew her very well. She could not live without his presence in her life. He was well aware of his importance in her life. He wished he had realised her importance a bit earlier too. But he was going to set things right. She was easy to handle once he was in front of her.
He checked his watch, it was 7 o’ clock. He rushed through the doors of the café`. He glanced around, she wasn’t there. 
He was always punctual, but he knew so was she. He had a sinking feeling inside of him. 
The waitress came with a cup of coffee. 
“Black, no sugar”
“But I just came in, I didn’t order yet.”
“Why, the lady had told to bring it to you as soon as you came along with this.” She produced a lipstick stained tissue and put it beside the coffee and left him alone. He felt nostalgic seeing it.

As usual, there was kiss on it, the loving marks of her beautiful lips imprinted via her lip colour. Today she’d been wearing bright red. He opened the love note, at least that’s what he assumed it was. There were some words scribbled on it with a coloured ink. Holding it close he realised it wasn’t ink, it was one of her lip crayons. It read- “You know i couldn’t hold onto my decision if I met you. So i had to leave before you showed up. I couldn’t afford to go weak. I forgive you for sleeping with my best friend for one whole year behind my back. But i don’t forgive you for thinking you could just “win me back” with your charms. I’m not a prize at the carnival. I paid for the coffee. Enjoy”

He sunk back into the chair. He was indeed the biggest fool in the city he decided.



Regret Rendition

dusty roads, scattered lives
memories captured in forever smiles
looking back, just a little peek
realise what I’ve lost, thinking its a win

i reach out, but too late, i can’t go back even though i try

i’m walking down a line
where there’s no turning back
a teardrop in my eye
but no one by my side, to pat my tears dry

broken windows, during play
i play it back now, all i can say
all those things that i tried to hide
i want them back now, in my life

i went back, but the doors closed, i can’t bring back even though i try

i’m walking down a line
where there’s no turning back
a teardrop in my eye
but no one by my side, to pat my tears dry

there came a time, i thought i got back
some of it that had went away
when u smiled, but, then it all changed
when i saw that ring on your finger
guess twas silly of me, to think that
you would wait for a long lost stranger

oh why I’ve walked down a line
where there’s no turning back
a teardrop in my eye
but no one by my side, to pat my tears dry





A Desire…

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”
~George Bernard Shaw

a desire is a strong emotion

it stems from within;

and overpowers all our senses, for what we desire

gives character to our being.

desires run deep, deep within ourselves

master of the unconscious.

unspoken, but but very much there

sneaking out when least expected.

little things in life

that seem to be

without reason, so is a desire

no way to explain. no justifications

but sometimes our souls

run deeper than a puddle. discover reason,

and overcome the desire.

with much grievance, moving ahead.

but the desires not dead

it lurks deep inside

visiting in dreams, making us cry

as is nature, we are bound to forget

just to move onto

another desirable  object.