Ten reasons I don’t want to be in a relationship right now (not even with a Greek god)

***THIS POST IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR. IF YOU (THE GUYS I MEAN) ARE IN A MOOD TO GET OFFENDED STOP READING***

So, post break up you will suddenly see the environs around you change. Your guy friends all get super mushy and feely with you. Someone suddenly finds you attractive. The other one “always had a crush on you.” One will try to be your best friend. And one whack job starts to virtual stalk you (speaking of virtual, that a WHOLE different change of environs, but that’s another story). My point is, the guys think that the coast is clear, the chair is empty, chick’s ready to be tried on, or whatever the heck goes on inside the male brains! You try to be courteous, you try being a snob, you try straight forward but somehow the problem is never truly solved. It’s as if, since you are single now you have to choose someone super fast, ‘cause it’s a crime not to do so!

But a no is a no is a no! There are various ways of saying a no, and each one simplifies into only one hard-to-swallow truth: NO!
Then they go, “Why?”

Why you ask? Fine! I will give you ten big fat reasons for your WHY!!! 

  • I sat on my rose tinted glasses through which I saw romance.They broke. Plain and simple. And I cannot afford to get them fixed or get new ones! The fairytalesque notions of romance are no longer there. Its appears to be a piece of blob from where I stand.  No mushy feeling arise in me. I don’t feel my breath taken away. Taylor Swift songs don’t stir me anymore. Buy me flowers, take me to dinner, and quote Shakespeare. Anything tickles inside my stomach? Na-da.
  • I am sick of the big fat male ego.Yes you heard me right! Each one of you. All your ego. All that male egotism. Sick of it. I am tired of your childlike behavior. All that psychotic possessiveness drama. DO NOT come up to me and say not all males are like that. Each single one of you has that streak, just waiting to be explored. And while it can be sexy at times, I’m sorry at this point of time I can’t gobble it anymore. 
  • I can to do WHATEVER I want.For a change I want to do whatever the heck my whims command me to do. I don’t care if it’s crazy. I don’t care if it’s pointless. I certainly don’t care if it’s boring for guys! I want to lie on my bed all day counting imaginary stars. I want to eat a whole tub of coffee ice cream without thinking how much weight I am gonna gain, and if my boyfriend is going to hate me for it. I want to go and stare at clothes at the mall ALL day without someone nagging me that their feet are killing them. And maybe, even on a bright sunny day, I have ABSOLUTELY no wish to go out and frolic wherever the heck you want to take me. I’d rather curl up with my cat. I just remembered I don’t have a cat. Whatever.
  • I can talk to whoever I wish to talk to; can go out with them too!No more snubbing people (read boys) just because my “better half” doesn’t approve of them. I WILL talk to that guy even if he is a complete jerk. I will give my number to a Facebook friend. I might just go out for a coffee with that guy who wants to take me to a coffee just like that. You know why? ‘Cause I CAN handle myself! I can handle my own situations. I do not need a boy friend to act like a pseudo-parent!
  • I have all the space I need! I do not have to wake up every morning and write a good morning in a clerk like manner. Everyday. I will say good morning some days, some days I won’t. I don’t have to inform each and every thing I am doing. I don’t have to text alert my guy, each time I leave the house or return. I don’t have to justify why I took the long way home, instead of the short and safe one. I took the long way home simply because I wanted to take the long way home. There is no rocket science involved in that decision!
  • Clothing sovereignty. I will wear any kind of cloth that piques my desire. I don’t have to care what my boy friend will think about it. I don’t care if that dress grabs some attention. I don’t care if that top is a little too tight. Know why? I CAN take care of my clothes when they are on my body. I know how to maintain myself! It’s my body not yours. And I will certainly not dress keeping in mind if my boyfriend will be impressed. No one has the right to tell me what not to wear. Except my mommy. And the fashion police.
  • No more explaining to do! I don’t have to explain to anyone why I did this or why I didn’t do that. I don’t have to tell why I stayed back late at class. I don’t have to explain why I was talking to a complete stranger on road. I don’t have to explain why I can’t go meet someone. I don’t owe anyone any explanations whatsoever!
  • Drama makes me want to puke nowadays. Like seriously. I see around me, I notice all the mushy-ness of couples and my skin crawls back. No more lovey-dovey chats. No more dewy eyed staring games. No more calling each other with cutesy names for Christ’s sake! All this just makes me want to rush to the toilet and throw up. I don’t now how long this phase is going to last. But it’s certainly not fading away anytime soon.
     
  • No more stupid fighting! This is basically a follow up of the last point. Fights are a part of a relationship. But frankly they make my head burn! Couples cry, fight, throw abuses, and cut themselves (?!).Thank god I never had to face that last part. Why fight when things can be solved in a civilized manner? I know why. Because being in a relationship decays your grey cells and raging hormones take over which reduces you to the standard of a barbarian. That’s why.
  • May be I just want to be single? Yes. Yes. Yes. Unlike popular belief, some people just want to be alone, single, and quiet frankly, way more calm and healthy. I am in that zone now. So no point poking me. I am gonna read Eat Pray Love. I’m gonna stay single. You have a problem ? Go dive off a cliff. I wouldn’t even twitch.

May be it’s time to get myself a new cat now.

 Imageokay, may be that’s an exaggeration.

 

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